Wanted: one Robb Stark lookalike to um, play a Game of Thrones with one Daenerys Targaryen. Must be as buff and dashing as the real deal, and be dressed in battle-stained furs. Must also be willing to commit to roleplay. Sword and direwolf optional. Members of House Frey need not apply.

Robb Stark, Game of Thrones, Richard Madden

“I’m a Stark in the streets, but a wildling in the sheets, baby. I mean, Your Grace.” ©HBO

 

So here’s the deal, Jessica Biel: a fair young lady (at least I hope she’s fair and young, and a lady) from New Orleans has just purchased a life-size Iron Throne replica for a whopping US$30,000. Money well spent, no doubt, but only if you put that purchase to good use.

The lady in question has therefore – as reported by The AV Club – posted a Casual Encounter to Craigslist for someone to well, ravish her on her Iron Throne.  You can see the full posting here, but here’s an extract of what she’s looking for:

“In my fantasy, I am Daenerys Stormborn Targaryen, Mother of Dragons, and Rightful Heir to the Iron Throne and the Seven Kingdoms. After crossing the Narrow Sea and defeating the forces of Westeros, it is within my power and right to slay all of those who betrayed my family and denied me my rightful place for so many years. The most vile enemies of house Targaryen, House Stark and House Baratheon must pay the highest price. All of those who fought against the Mother of Dragons are slain—all except one. When I come to Robb Stark, out eyes lock and something moves inside of me. I realize I need to have him, want him, and I can tell he is thinking the same. I order my guards to throw him in the dungeon and later that night, I have him brought to me, in the throne room. There, on the Iron Throne I’ve so recently won, I make wild and passionate love with him, repeatedly.”

Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones, Emilia Clarke

“Hello, I’m Daenerys. From New Orleans.” ©HBO

Participants are also required to refer to themselves only as ‘Robb Stark’ and be dressed sort of down and dirty looking. All in the service of making wild and passionate love. So it’s sort of like cosplay. A really extreme and kinky sort of cosplay.

But that’s not all. Apropos to the warrior queen that she is, Daenerys won’t just take any half man or eunuch. You have to actually LOOK like the son of Ned Stark (though there is no guarantee that the girl from New Orleans will look anything like the Khaleesi), and be all rough and tumble and stuff. In her words: “I’m looking for a Stark in the streets but a wildling in the sheets.”

Robb Stark, Game of Thrones, Richard Madden

“Do you want me to hold these direwolves while we do it, love?” ©HBO

Clearly, the Net is dark and full of terrors. And so will my nights, now that I’ve seen her posting.

So what’s your favourite Game of Thrones-style sexual fantasy? On second thoughts, please don’t tell me.  

For more geek content, go to my new website Geek Crusade, which launches July 11. For the moment, you can sign up on the website for your chance to win exclusive premiums. Follow us on Twitter too @GeekCrusade, as we tweet and blog and Facebook our way across some of the USA’s geekiest sites!